Tuesday, October 20, 2009

How To Cope

I am so confused and lost. I thought this may be a way to help me and maybe others to share their situations. I have been with my husband for ten years. We have done everything humanly possible to create a healthy and viable blended family. (which is in no way an easy task) He had two children from a previous marriage and I had one. It was so hard in the beginning and there were many times I thought we would never make it. However some how with a lot of work and a lot of love for all the children involved we made it work. My husband adopted my child and we have one together. His ex-wife is the most Narcissistic person I have ever met. Even with that I loved the children so much that I would do whatever she wanted to try to keep a healthy relationship between the families. All of our kids feel like "real" brother's and sister's. Which only makes sense seeing as they have been raised together since they were 2,3 and 4 years old.

Everything was just clicking along when out of the clear blue sky we got hit with custody papers. My husband and I were in complete shock. The allegations in the paper's were absolutely absurd. Then to my dismay it appears that people can pretty much lie, commit perjury and be in contempt and the courts really could care less. Who knew??? Now don't get me wrong at first I thought well maybe my husbands ex was just trying to do what she thought was best in her own sick way. I felt sure that since we talked almost daily (me letting her know what was going on with her children as well as me listening to all of her problems with her husband,mother, etc..) that surely we could work this out somehow. My husband and her had always been on fairly good terms up to this point so shouldn't people be able to work out some differences without a full blown court battle and dragging the kids threw the mud? Well apparently the answer is "HELL NO".

No matter what we do she will not let it go and move on for the kids. This has been on going for almost two years and there isn't a minute that it isn't Waring on my shoulders. She has lost 3 court battles in a row and still keeps plowing away at making things worse. The kid's are used as total pawns by her. She will not even let them stay at their friends house because we are friends with the parents. (Hello they are teenager's and want some type of social life). It's not even like they have new friends these are the same friends they have had for years she just doesn't know any of them. (who's choice do you think that was???)

I can't even begin to put all of the nonsense into words. OK maybe I could but by the time you were done reading it would be three days later. Sometimes I feel like we are trying to win against someone with rabies. I know that is terrible but oh my lord she is T totally crazy. All four kids are in great schools and have always done pretty well in school. Well she now thinks that she would be more capable of helping them with their school work so they should be with her more during the week. Hello she would have to get her butt off her video games to be able to actually help them.... With that being said since she has been involved their grades have changed however it has been for the worse. There again our lovely court system won't do a thing until one of them actually fails. A normally straight A student getting C's and having all of their teachers saying that the effort is not there and that things aren't getting turned in on their mother's days really doesn't matter at all. Oh and get this some where in my husband's crazy ex-wife's head she seems to think that it is no big deal for her child to miss 20 days of school due to medical diagnoses that don't exist according to all (and there has been a lot) of doctors.

I am so tired of being angry I am not even sure why I even get shocked any more. It is just so frustrating to see the kid's start getting back to their sweet and healthy selves and then she does something so crazy and sends them right back into their funk. The guilt she puts on them is unreal. By the way none of this was for the children's well being. It's all about money and how much she can suck out of my husband. What is wrong with people??? Any and all advice is very much appreciated.